HONOLULU (KHON) – Celebrity couple Chrissy Teigen and John Legend’s decision to publicly announce the miscarriage of their baby boy received widespread sympathy and support, with many saying that it shed light on an issue many parents suffer through in silence.
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But not everyone was as nice.
Some of the comments on Teigen’s heartbreaking Instagram post included remarks like: “This is so fake,” and “No mother stages pics after losing her child” and “There is something sinister about your actions.”
Hawaii-based grief counselor Cynthia White says that the comments are derived from a combination of ignorance and culture.
“Most people who have not been through a similar experience don’t understand what it’s like for a griever,” White explained. “We live in a grief denying society, and people don’t want to see other people’s pain.”
“We watch suffering and loss on TV all the time. It’s entertainment. But when it happens in real life, people are all, ‘Oh no, I can’t handle that,’ or ‘Why are you bringing that up or sharing that?’ They need to do what they need to do.”
White says everyone grieves differently.
“Teigen and Legend are honoring or sharing their own grief process by sharing or posting. None of us are spared loss. Yes, some of us may just go about life and act like nothing happened. But that will take a toll on their body,” she said. “We’ve had a tendency to think that a loss happens and over time we get better. The old adage that time heals. Well, that’s no longer an acceptable way of thinking about it.”
If you’re grieving, White suggests reaching out to loved ones for support or to someone who has shared a similar loss.
The Compassionate Friends, a group offering grief support for the loss of a child, sibling, or grandchild, has a Honolulu chapter.
Seek counseling if needed.
Most importantly: give yourself the time and space to remember what you have lost.
“There are no easy answers. There are no answers! There’s just a process. There’s nothing you can say that’s going to make it better, because if the person doesn’t feel better, that’s okay. Accept them where they’re at in the moment. Allow them the space to process,” said White.
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